Am I “independent” if I always keep there alongside me?
If I’m not forced to (as I may be in work-related situations), I would rather have a “security blanket” around me than face anxiety I feel in strange situations.
I never knew how to describe how I felt in unfamiliar situations; all I knew was that I felt “awkward.” Some of the anxiety has subsided with age and practice. I despise walking into a work-related conference, knowing no one. What do I do if everyone is already talking in groups? What if people judge me for standing alone, on my own?
Weddings where I may not know anyone besides the bride/groom? I’ve hidden in a bathroom before to pass the time between my arrival and the ceremony starting, so I didn’t have to walk around by myself — or worse, strike up conversation with strangers.
At some point, I hope to build a life with somebody else I can call my long-term partner.
Before I do that, though, I want to be comfortable with . Perhaps by carving out my own path, new doors will open, too.
Making important life decisions requires what is on the horizon to be “good enough” to make the leap to the other side.
But is that “gap” between the old and the new big enough?
I’ve stayed in relationships longer than I should have, for that exact reason: not to rock the boat.
Sometimes it is best to try something different before I become a diminished version of myself, before I let my mental well-being slip away ever-so-slowly.